"I love you more!"

None of us wants to admit it, but I’m betting we’ve all had the following conversation (or something like it) at one point in our life:

Him: “I love you!”

Her: “I love you more.”

Him: “No, I love you more.”

Her “No, I love YOU more!”

Him: “NO! I love YOU more!”

Her: “No, I love YOU MORE!”

Him: “NO! I LOVE YOU MORE!”

Her: “I love you the most.”

…and on and on and on….

I’ve been quietly wondering to myself of late whether or not there’s anyone in the world who loves me more than I love them. That sounds bad, I know. There are many people who love me- my parents, my siblings, my husband, my kids, my friends. But the question is not, “do people love me?,” it’s “could people possibly love me as much as I love them?” It’s whether or not the feeling is mutual. Do we share a reciprocal love? My loved ones are so extremely valuable to me that I can’t imagine it’s possible for anyone else to feel as equally powerful about me. Little ol’ me. Who am I to deserve such love? I’m nothing; nobody. Sound like a case of low self-esteem? Guilty as charged. It’s something I continually struggle with, as I think we all do during different periods of our lives. Some times more than others.

So that is why I was so astounded by the outpouring of love I received on my birthday this year. And I don’t even think my low expectations had anything to do with it. Having a birthday on the day after Christmas- the most anti- climactic day of the year- I’ve come to expect very little. You can read more about that nonsense here.

But December 26^th, 2011 was a celebration of unrivaled magnitude!  I started the day with the beloved “Happy Birthday, Mama” wishes from my husband and my kids. Then I got a phone call from my good friend Erin Chinn and smiled from ear-to-ear as I listened to her kids serenade me with the birthday song. She asked if they could stop by with a “little something,” but when they walked through the door ten minutes later their arms were full of balloons, streamers, and a gorgeous homemade gift. That gesture alone would have been enough to make a record in my birthday history book.

Soon after, my sister, Julie, and her family arrived from Northern Virginia. They made an 8 hour round-trip drive just for my birthday. As soon as they walked through the door my sister Julie and her husband Patrick began decorating my house with beautiful streamers, dozens of helium balloons, tablecloth, plates, napkins, presents, and a giant chocolate cake. We spent the afternoon visiting while our kids played happily together, we played a board game (and they let me win!), we opened my mountain of presents, we ate Chinese food (and they paid!), and we wore party hats while they sung to me and I blew out my 29 candles. Then they made sure that they cleaned-up all the mess so I wouldn’t be left alone to deal with ugly aftermath.

The commotion died down when Julie’s family had to leave and I put my kids to bed. But I had barely blown Jamie a kiss and closed the boys’ bedroom door when my phone rang. A call from one of my most bosom friends, Kristen, all the way from New York to wish me a happy birthday! Talking with her always warms my heart. And after we’d chatted and hung up, more calls from my parents, my sisters, and my brother. It really felt good to be the center of everyone’s attention.

But there’s more! The following day, eventhough all the helium balloons were sagging and the birthday cake was half-gone, the party continued when my sister, Joanie and her husband, Daniel drove down from No. Va. They took the kids and I out to lunch and ice cream at my favorite restaurant, on behalf of my mom and dad, and stayed and visited with us for the day. I also found a huge surprise in my mailbox that day- a card from my besties in New York, filled with good wishes, love, and generosity. I was seriously struck speechless.

At no other time of my life can I remember feeling so immersed in love. All these people, my whole world, came together on this one day to show me how much I mean to them. And I found that answer I was looking for. Yes, people do love me as much as I love them. Wow, what a relief! And an honor.

But to all of them who’re reading this I still say, “I love you more!”