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| Holding newborn Josie in my first moments of motherhood |
It is common knowledge that children do not come with instruction
manuals. If you’re a parent then you know that from the moment you first held
your tiny babe in your arms and looked down at their helpless face, you have
been asking yourself, “How…?” No amount of preparation or education can fully
equip us as mothers and fathers and, in those moments of sheer panic when the
weight of parental responsibility pushes down heavily on our shoulders, we find
ourselves praying. Praying for guidance, for answers, for remedies, for
solutions. We yearn for that legendary instruction manual. If only such a thing
existed…
I’m no expert. But with three children and a fourth on the way I
at least know enough to have an idea of what that manual might look like. Bound
with a thick woven cover and printed on heavy paper, it would intimidate most readers.
In size it would rival even The Good Book itself. When we opened the binding we
would be overwhelmed with that unmistakable smell of a book that has been
passed down for generations, creased by innumerable hands. With care we reverently
turn each page, awed by the wisdom to be found within. We flip through the
first few chapters on bonding, breastfeeding, sleep training. We skip forward
past solid foods and teething, past crawling, walking and separation anxiety.
We keep skimming through the chapters and see a section on How to Tame a
Tantrum. That’s a good one, but not what we’re looking for. Next is How to
Scrub Crayon off Every Surface Imaginable. Another good one, but we keep going….How
to Make a Picky Eater Eat. Oops, we went too far. Flip back a few pages. Ahhh,
there it is- the chapter I was looking for.
I’m trying to find an answer to a question that continues to
plague me: How much should a mother play with her children?
Play is such an important part of childhood. Arguably it is THE
most important part. As a mother, I realize that I have a vital role in
fostering healthy play time. I want to participate in this important aspect of
my children’s lives as much as possible. I love being a part of pretend, and
playing in their games, and leading crafts. But I also see the value in
encouraging them to self-perpetuate their own play. I want them to learn how to
entertain themselves. And I also know that practically a mother cannot play
with her children at all times- there is housework to be done, after all. Plus
there are times when a woman just can’t muster one more high-pitched, goofy character
voice or take one more sip of make-believe tea. At least not if she’s going to
keep her sanity. I constantly find myself weighing the pros and cons of
participating in my kids’ play, most often in an attempt to fight off the guilt
that follows those days when I haven’t made time to play with them at all. But
there’s no Instruction Manual so there’s no easy answer. Most likely it boils
down to finding the perfect balance. I work continually toward maintaining such
a balance for my kids in our household.
All last week I looked forward to taking the kids to the beach on
Saturday. It had been a long, busy week and I felt like I’d done too much
supervising and not enough interacting. Going to the beach has become a new
favorite activity of mine. For the short time that we’re there I can leave all
my other obligations behind and focus solely on my kids. On the beach, Josie,
Jamie, and Johnny have my full, uninterrupted attention. I admire their
seashells. I help them dig holes and look for crabs. I splash with them in the
waves. I wrap them in their towels and cuddle them dry. On the beach, having
fun comes easy.
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