Are you annoyed at my recent negative attitude? Because I sure am. So I’ve decided to go on the offensive and turn my tone from that of victim to victor. In an attempt to do so, I have compiled a list of the things that I LIKE about James being gone. If every cloud has a silver lining, then here is the shiny side of deployment.
-I don’t have to constantly pick up James’ dirty clothes from the floor of whatever room he took them off, and most specifically I don’t have to find his stinky socks crammed between the couch cushions.
-I have complete control of the bank account, which does mean that I am responsible for making sure all the bills are paid but it also means I can budget a few extra trips to Gymboree.
-There are fewer dishes to clean, less laundry to wash, and less garbage to take out.
-I can nurse Johnny in public without having to shrug off James’ disapproving demeanor.
-I don’t have to listen to him whine about every sore muscle and runny nose. Men can be such babies, and I don’t need any more of those around here (at least, not right now).
-I have absolute power when it comes to the television. You can rest assured that as long as I hold the remote there will be absolutely no Glenn Beck in this house.
-I can cook chicken alfredo, shrimp scampi, and serve corn on the cob (three things that James dislikes) for dinner or I can even just make PB&Js or microwaveable corn dogs (because the kids sure as heck don’t care!)
-I can mispronounce Tupperware as “tubberware” freely and without ridicule.
-I do not have to fear that my stash of Reese’s peanut butter cups in the back right corner of the pantry cupboard will be raided by anyone but myself. (Except, now that I’ve disclosed my secret location I’m going to have to find a new hiding place.)
-I am able to be as socially active as I please. I can schedule as many playgroups as is logistically possible to cram into a week, I can go out shopping into the afternoon hours, and I can talk to my mom on the phone for an hour and a half and not worry that I’m taking quality time away from my spouse.
-I don’t have to shave my legs or worry about my morning breath. Because, let’s face it, the only one who cares is me!
-I can leave my unfinished craft projects lying around the house for as long as I want, or at least until Jamie discovers the scissors and glue and I am forced to relocate them.
-I don’t have to deal with the frustrations I would feel whenever I was busily working around the house while James sat on the couch surfing the internet. Now I work knowing that he is working equally as hard and unceasingly.
-And lastly, I’m not given the guilt trip for not being “in the mood” after a long, hard day. Having no pressure to fake it is quite liberating, I must say.
So there you have it- being husbandless isn’t all bad. In fact, I think I’ve made it sound pretty good. After reading this some of my women friends might be tempted to ship their husbands off to join the Navy in order to get a little freedom once in a while. There is definitely some good to be found in even the most difficult of circumstances. I will say this: separation really helps us to re-evaluate our priorities and value those things that can easily be taken for granted. I can honestly say that I would pick up a million stinky socks in exchange for one good-night kiss, even if (or, right now I’d say especially if) that kiss came attached with underlying sexual expectations.
This picture has nothing to do with this post, but it's so incredibly cute that it's sure to leave you with a smile, even if my writing has not.
