I have come to find that blogging is an extremely emotional endeavor. The best bloggers lay it all out on the line. The writer’s life is an open book; or more precisely, an open blog. She has to be willing to divulge her most embarrassing actions and intimate feelings to the general public. She offers her friends and family an inside look at her world, and though this affords them the opportunity to share in her joys, it also provides them the chance to scrutinize her every mistake. And in case you haven’t noticed, the world wide web can be a very judgmental place.
So a blogger must be courageous and confident.
Several months ago, when I started this blog, those were two things that I was sure I had….But now, I’m not so sure. A lot of things have changed since James was deployed one month and one day ago. I have changed. I question myself more now than I ever have before. It’s almost as if my protective armor was peeled from my body and I am now standing on a battlefield naked and completely exposed to enemy fire. I feel vulnerable. I feel weak. I feel scared. I feel like the smallest bullet could pierce me, and instead of ricocheting off my armor like it would have two months ago, it would cut through my body and disable me instantaneously.
I cannot afford to be debilitated right now. A world of responsibilities rests on my shoulders. If I were to be taken out of action then all those things I hold dear would be put into harm’s way. So that is why I have been protecting myself. I have neglected my blog and I took some time away from facebook for a while. I am a host to frayed emotions, shredded self-confidence, and a dejected personality and the cyber community preys on such weaknesses. Thus, if my blog posts and my facebook updates have to stay sparse then so be it, because there are much more important things at stake.
(This is not a declaration of intent to abandon my blog, it is only an explanation to those who may have questions about my absence.)
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