Insights into the Life of a Navy Wife, Part III

Disclaimer: This post is about sex. It describes extremely personal and intimate details. It may include content that could be considered graphic and inappropriate for some readers. If the thought of me and James naked and engaged in sexual intercourse makes you queasy then you should NOT read further.

Everyone remembers their first time. Ask anyone and they will tell you that they are able (though, not necessarily willing) to describe when, where, and to whom they lost their virginity. Unfortunately, from what I have gathered, not everyone enjoyed having sex for the first time. Some people felt pressured into it and others describe theirs as being painful. I’ve had friends tell me stories that were downright traumatic. I guess I am lucky, or blessed, or both, because I have no negative feelings about the way I lost my virginity. The truth is that my first time was one of the most magical experiences of my life. Sometimes when I’m in a particularly romantic or desirous mood (I blame this on my husband’s prolonged absence, the recent return of my monthly ovulation cycle, and my jealousy of a close friend’s romantic weekend getaway with her husband), I like to daydream back to that wonderful night.

James and I had waited for each other for a long time. Our anticipation was high and our heart rates were equally as fast. He touched me and I touched him with an intense satisfaction, knowing that we were about to experience each other on a level that no one else ever had before. The thought of finally expressing our love for one another in the most intimate way possible was invigorating. Sex was an exciting adventure that we were about to embark on together.  It was uncharted territory and we had no concept of what we liked or didn’t like, so everything felt right.  We had nowhere else we’d rather be; there was nothing else on our minds except being together in that moment. Our first time wasn’t too fast or too slow. We took our time and enjoyed every touch. We were young and energetic. We were both in the best shape of our lives and therefore completely comfortable with our bodies. There was no self-consciousness to get in the way. There was no awkwardness and no pain. It was easy. Our bodies came together naturally and yes, I’ll say it, very enjoyably. Afterwards, we fell asleep in each other’s arms for the very first time. And a couple hours later we woke up and did it all over again.

Nearly ten years have gone by since that first night we made love to each other, and in that time span sex has changed in many ways. Any married couple will attest that, no matter how much you try to avoid it, the sex loses its splendor. The stress of everyday life begins to seep into the bedroom and under the sheets. One night he’s too tired and the other night she’s too distracted. The next night he’s feeling sick and the following night she’s feeling fat. Some days you rush through it and pat yourself on the back for “doing your marital duty.” Other days you’re just too lazy to tell your partner that you’re in the mood, for fear of being rejected and causing another fight, so you take a cold shower and slip into your most unflattering sweat pants. Single people: don’t let me scare you. There are times when the stars align and both partners are ready and willing, you come together and you both feel that unmistakable rush, you lay back on the bed for a couple moments to catch your breath….. then he grabs the remote because his favorite episode of Mythbusters is coming on and she pulls on her pants and heads downstairs because she forgot to start the dishwasher. We hate to admit it, even to ourselves, but sex is no longer that exhilarating, first time experience.

I’ve made a lot of generalizations here and am making a lot of assumptions about other people’s sex lives. I shouldn’t presume to know the bedroom habits of others. But one thing I can speak authoritatively about is the sex life of a Navy wife. It’s not a common topic of public conversation, but here I am to open the discussion…..because, well….. I miss having sex with my husband and I’m not embarrassed to admit it.

The sex life of a Navy wife comes with heavy burdens and lofty benefits. First, let’s tackle the obvious. We and our spouses are separated for months at a time which means, you got it!, no sex. But it also means no hugging, no kissing, no cuddling or snuggling, no caressing, no fondling, no back rubbing or hand holding. No physical attention of any kind for six, seven, eight, or nine months! I don’t enjoy raising three kids without their father around, I don’t like managing our finances alone, and I hate having to deal with unexpected emergencies all by myself. But do you know what really sucks? Being a woman with a healthily raging sex drive who has laid claim to the man of her dreams, but who is unable to satisfy her desires with said man. I have always proclaimed that, while our husbands are deployed, we have to shoulder all the responsibilities of a wife but get none of the benefits. Now that takes strength!

Eagerly anticipating James' homecoming, on the dock in 2003

Homecoming day finally comes, though, and all that strength and sacrifice pays off. Navy wives have the unique opportunity to enjoy their “first time” again and again and again. Every deployment and underway leads to a homecoming, which brings with it the same excitement and anticipation of that first night together. They say that “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Well, you have no idea what they’re talking about until you’ve had homecoming sex! Butterflies are fluttering in my stomach just from thinking about the sheer exhilaration I felt when James stepped off the ship after his last deployment, pushed his way through the bustling crowd to find me, threw his sea bag to the ground, and swooped me up into his arms. Only a select few have earned the privilege to experience such an emotional reunion. We reserved ourselves a room at the acclaimed Hotel del Coronado in San Diego and we locked ourselves away from the world to get reacquainted. Again, we had nowhere else we’d rather be; there was nothing else on our minds except being together in that moment. It wasn’t too fast or too slow. We took our time and enjoyed every touch. It was easy. It was natural. It was very enjoyable. (And that is when and where our beautiful baby girl was conceived, making the experience that much more memorable.)

Reunited after nine long months, 2003

So you can pity me all you want for having to go it alone all these months. Cry for me. Being a Navy wife is a lot of hard work and at times it’s downright torture. But on homecoming day, when the sun is setting on all the “Welcome Home” banners, streamers, and confetti, and I’m following my husband into the bedroom and locking the door behind me, I will pity you. Because while you’re stuck in your rut of everyday sex, I’ll be enjoying the magic of my first time all over again.

I apologize for the length of this post. I guess I had a lot more to say about sex than I realized.