Confessions of a Chubby Girl

Doesn't it seem like the women who talk the most about losing weight are the women who have the least amount of weight to lose? That's not to say that they think about it more. In fact, I'd bet that those of us who are overweight actually think about our weight more than the average size woman does.We're just too embarrassed to talk about our bodies, our diets, and our routines and habits. Well this is me attempting to break my silence of shame. I'm going to be brutally honest about my problems with weight in hopes of conquering them....

In the past five years I have gone from skinny to pregnant to chubby to pregnant to fat to thin to pregnant to chubby. My body has been on one hell of a roller coaster ride. I have successfully gained weight three times and successfully lost it only once. Now, at almost five months post-partum, I am feeling more and more self-invoked pressure to lose my baby weight again (I'd like to say "once and for all" here but that may not be the case.) So far I just haven't been able to muster up the emotional strength and willpower to make it happen.

Here's why:
-I'm tired. Throughout the day I feel my energy dwindling so I reach for a quick sugar boost to help me along. At the end of the day I just want to put my feet up and veg on facebook with a bowl full of Oreos before I have to spend the night nursing. The last thing I feel like doing is exercising.
-I'm busy. Many of my days are spent on the run- preschool, playgroup, grocery shopping, church events. Sometimes there just isn't time to cook a wholesome, well balanced meal and more often than not the quick and easy meals are filled with fat. Being busy also means that I'm never at liberty to go for a jog or hit the gym.
-I'm bored. There's only so much cross-legged play time I can handle. I love to watch my kids play and to play with them but after a while it becomes mind-dumbingly boring.And my default activity is baking.
-I'm happy. I love a good celebration just like the rest of the world. And no celebration is complete without cake, cookies, candy, sodas, etc. It seems that every week there's something to celebrate.
-I'm sad. The past few months have been killer on my emotional sanity. With my husband gone I have little to look to for comfort during dark times. So I look to the fridge.

Those probably sound like excuses, and I guess they are. So to counteract them, here are some motivations.

Here's why I want/ need to lose weight:
-For God. I want to treat His creation- my mind and body- with the respect that all His creations deserve.
-For myself. I want to feel confident and proud. I want to feel beautiful and sexy. I don't want to feel like "the fat one" when I'm in a room with my friends.I want to enjoy shopping for clothes for myself and to smile when I see the size label on the tag.
-For my kids. I want to be a good example of healthy eating habits. I want to have the energy, strength, and stamina to play rough and go wild with them.
-For my husband. I want him to find me as attractive as he did the day we were married. I want him to be proud of me when he shows my picture to new people he meets.
-For the ones to come? If we decide to have another baby, I want my body to be in good shape and prepared to handle another pregnancy.

So there it is, all layed out. This is the inward battle that I fight every day. I hope that by posting this I will at least be making a start towards winning the batte.