Perfectionists Need Not Apply

If there was an application to file for parenthood (and sometimes I think there ought to be) then at the top, in big bold letters, it would state: PERFECTIONISTS NEED NOT APPLY. Because perfectionism has no business in the parenting work place.

It has taken me three children and over four years to come to terms with my inability to do everything to the best of my ability. My personal motto is famed to be “It’s not worth doing unless it’s worth over-doing.” I pride myself on going above and beyond. Giving anything less just feels wrong. But since I’ve become a mother I have slowly exchanged my perfectionism for practicality. Things that used to be a priority, like my appearance, having a clean house, and getting to places on time, have all taken a back seat. I am learning to make peace with the fact that things can be done imperfectly and still be acceptable.

Decorating Christmas cookies is a favorite holiday pastime of mine. On Saturday I got to enjoy this pastime with the kids. In the morning Jamie and I cut out and baked gingerbread cookies and in the afternoon Josie and I decorated them. Jamie loved playing with the flower that I laid down while rolling out the cookie dough. The flour ended up on the floor, on his clothes, even on the dogs (and I’m sure it would have been smeared on Johnny if he hadn‘t been tucked safely in his crib for a nap). Then Jamie got to choose which cookie cutter shapes to use and slapped them down, sometime up-side-down and sometimes half off the side of the dough. He tried picking up the cut out cookie shapes and throwing them onto the cookie sheets. A few of them actually made it into the oven intact.

After the cookies had come out of the oven and cooled on their wire racks, Josie sat down at the table to help me decorate. I spread a layer of icing onto the cookies and handed them to Josie, who would applied the candies. At first she just dumped piles of sprinkles on top. After the first few cookies she started getting a little more detailed. She squished the red-hot dots into the icing in a few places and used chocolate chips here and there. She combined all colors of sprinkles and sugar. The table top was a rainbow mess!

If a pre-motherhood me from five years ago had witnessed this activity she would have cringed. The finished cookies were a far cry from the decorative masterpieces that they would have been had I done them myself. But then, the process wouldn’t have been half as much fun. Doing things with my kids is messier, more complicated, more stressful, and much more time consuming. But by abandoning all expectations of achieving perfection I have been able to enjoy days like this for what they are- the chance to make priceless memories with my kids- instead of obsessing over the quality of the outcome.

I don’t want you to get me wrong. This is not to say that I don’t still expect great things from myself or that I don’t plan to encourage my kids to strive for excellence. Perfectionism has its place but that place is not in a home with preschoolers, toddlers, and infants. You can bet that when my kids are older I will be pressing them to do their best at everything they undertake. So to Josie, Jamie, and Johnny: Consider this fair warning. In a few more years I will expect your cookies to be winning blue ribbons in the county fair!