Why Young Mothers Need Friends Who Are Not Young Mothers

Young mothers are some of the most difficult friends to have. They’re impossible to make plans with because their schedules are so unpredictable. They almost always show up late and when they do their excuses usually revolve around diapers. They have to be home by 2 for naptime and can’t stay out later than 7 for risk of ruining bedtime. They’re scatter-brained. They’re likely to erupt into emotional outbursts because either their hormones are out of whack from pregnancy, post-partum, or breastfeeding or else due to severe sleep deprivation. They can rarely carry a conversation without interjecting a story about their kids. They make frequent stops for potty breaks, tantrums, and stroller malfunctions. And when they suggest meeting for dinner they are much more likely to mean chicken nuggets with apple slices at home than chicken cordon bleu at the popular new restaurant in town.

I am guilty of all of the above, to the third power. As an offender, let me be the first to say this: being friends with a young mother is annoying! But just because I am an annoying young mother does not mean that I should only deserve to be friends with equally as annoying young mothers. Don’t get me wrong- those of my friends who are raising young children are dear to my heart and I don’t think I would be able to survive the tumultuous journey of motherhood without them. It’s always nice to talk with someone with whom you can relate, who is living a similar stage of life as you, who can understand your victories and your plights. But at the same time, it’s also important to have friends who are the complete opposite of that.

Lately I have been spending a lot of time with Joy and Emmeline. These lovely ladies are a mother & daughter duo who live in my neighborhood and whom I first met at church. Since around the time James left last fall we have been getting to know each other better. (I’m not sure if this timing was sheer happenstance or because they took pity on the lonely, single mom of three who they could see was in desperate need of help. Either way, I praise the Lord!)

Joy is smart and sweet, has a witty sense of humor, and she makes the most delicious chicken & rice dish I’ve ever eaten. She was once a librarian and a Navy wife but now that her husband is out of the service she is a stay-at-home mom and home school teacher to her thirteen year old daughter, Emmeline.

Emmy is just as smart and sweet as her mom, but with some sassy thrown in between. She is a fun yet mature young woman with a natural talent for child care and a mile long list of quirks that makes her especially loveable.

Our get-togethers usually revolve around food (I think we’ve exhausted the menus at all the local establishments in our town and are about to move on to the outlying communities) but we mostly just like to talk. I have giggled more with Joy and Emmeline in the last six months than I did as a school girl at all the sleepovers I ever attended. We have so much fun! Whenever we get together we talk a lot about books and movies and our beloved pets, shopping and traveling, and romance and relationships…and the list could go on and on. There is no telling where or when our gabbing will end, as I almost always lose track of time when I'm lost in conversation with Joy and Emmeline.

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that, after all is said and done, these two women will have been the primary reason why I survived this deployment with my sanity intact. Being with Joy and Emmeline is refreshing. When I am with them I feel like more than just “Mommy.” I am independent and strong; I am intelligent and unique. Young mothers need friends who are not young mothers because we easily forget that we are more than just young mothers. Between all the diaper changes and runny noses and playtimes and bedtime stories, we lose track of ourselves and we begin to let that one characteristic of “mother” define us. So if you are raising young children, I urge you to find a Joy or an Emmeline or both to remind you that you are more. After all, even we annoying young moms deserve to discuss literature and giggle like school girls from time to time.