Hazardous Occupation

It came to my attention today that motherhood is a highly hazardous occupation.

New mothers should know what they’re getting themselves into. To be perfectly fair, God gave us women a warning. He designed child birth to be THE MOST excruciatingly painful experience known to mankind as if to say, “hey ladies, this parenthood thing ain’t gonna be easy.” (Yeah, I know that Eve eating the fruit from the forbidden tree had a lot to do with that as well, but you get my point.) We should have known since the very beginning that children would be hazardous to our health.

Yesterday my friend Colleen showed me a giant bruise on the back of her calf. I gasped in horror at its size and color. What on earth could she have done to get a bruise that size? She was playing with her son and his parachute soldiers, flinging them up into the air so that he could watch them come parachuting down. Wanting to impress her wide-eyed toddler with her soldier launching skills, she wound and wound that paratrooper with all the force her arms could muster, but instead of releasing him into the sky for his show-stopping dive she accidentally accelerated him straight into her calf. She buckled to the ground in pain and her son asked, “Mommy, are you okay?” She shook off her war wound and reassured him that she was fine.

Bruises, bloody noses, scrapes, and scars are a common part of the job. Another friend of mine has a wild 3 year old son who enjoys sneaking up behind his mom, grabbing her by the legs, and tackling her to the ground on a regular basis. And a couple of years ago my friend Kristen was walking down the hallway in the middle of the night, tripped on one of her kids’ shoes, slammed into a wall and broke her finger. She had to wear a full forearm cast.

Yep, we moms have to always be on our guard. We just never know when pain is headed our way. This afternoon the kids and I took a swim to escape the heat. Everyone was having a wonderful time cooling down in the (somewhat green and murky, thanks to my lack of pool cleaning skills) water, including Beast who got his afternoon exercise doing the doggy paddle. At one point I was jumping up and down with Jamie, splashing and making waves, and when I came down my chin hit the top of his skull with a crack. My jaw is still aching. It hurts to chew, talk, and even smile. I’m also ending the day with an intense sun burn from all our outdoor playtime. Ouch. Who knew that mothering could be so dangerous?

Yep, motherhood is a hazardous occupation alright. But somebody's got to do it.

There's definitely no doubt that the perks far out-weigh the risks. And besides, that’s what full-coverage heath insurance is for.