Fruits of the Family Tree



Me and my siblings, July 2009



My family drives me CRAZY! They are some of the most obnoxious, loud-mouthed, stubborn, opinionated, critical people I know.



My family, July 2008



There are so many of them (I have four siblings, four sibling-in-laws, one niece, one nephew, two grandmothers, twelve aunts and uncles, eighteen cousins, six cousin-in-laws, two parent-in-laws, and more further extended family than I can count) with such differing opinions that it’s impossible to make them all happy. Watching us attempt to orchestrate a simple family get-together, you’d think we stepped out of a poor weekday afternoon television show. The drama never ends. (Heck, we don’t even have to be together in person for the excitement to start; Facebook is a great forum for family drama!) We fuss, we fight, we cuss, we cry.



Families are complicated things. We all agree that we only want what’s best for one another, but we all disagree on what “best” is. Some people think that “best” is being a stay-at-home mom while others think it’s having a professional career. Some people think that “best” is living on the West coast while others think it’s living on the East coast. Some people think that “best” is playing soccer, others think it’s basketball, and yet others insist that it’s tennis. At least, that’s the way it is in my family. We take such an active interest in each other’s lives that we often cross the line into wanting to control each other’s lives. What it all seems to boil down to is the fact that everyone loves each other so much that they can’t stand each other. So spending time with my family can be, to put it gently, a struggle.

But for every sour grape that falls from the family tree, there is a basketful of succulent fruit.

A week and a half ago my mom flew in from Southern California to stay with me and the kids and help us get settled into our new house in Virginia. She has been the primary caregiver in our household for the past twelve days- not only taking care of Josie, Jamie, and Johnny while I diligently unpack boxes, arrange furniture, and organize cupboards, but also nursing me and my fragile emotional health. Oh ya, and she’s been attempting to tame the dogs as well (although I think she feels that she’s fighting a losing battle with Beast). She’s been shouldering the weight of the parenting responsibilities around here, but in a loving manner that only a grandmother can.

Grandma bought the kids their first ice creams from an ice cream truck.

To watch them now, you would never know that my mom and my kids only see each other once or twice a year. While Grandma works in the kitchen washing dishes, Josie has been coloring countless pictures for her to take home and conversing endlessly about every subject that pops into her sweet little scattered 5-year-old brain.

Things are a little less civil with Jamie. As James would say, Grandma has had to be on him “like white on rice.” She has especially been trying to teach him to get a tissue to clean his nose instead of picking his bugars and eating them. My mom took Josie, Jamie, and their cousin Angie on a cute little train ride this weekend and since a tissue was nowhere nearby Jamie instead picked a bugar out of his nose and politely handed it to Grandma. She couldn’t help but thank him and laugh.

Johnny and Grandma have been having tons of fun too. She’s his favorite play mate now. In fact, I had to swallow some pride last night when he fussed and whined in my arms, wriggling with outstretched arms to free himself in order to get to Grandma. Once the initial shock of rejection had worn off, I was overcome with emotion at how special the moment was.

This weekend we all drove 167 miles Northwest to visit my sister Joanie, her husband Daniel, my sister Julie, her husband Patrick, and their kids Angie and Conner.

Julie, my oldest sister, has an uncanny, natural talent for hostessing. We were welcomed to her house with freshly cleaned sheets, fluffed and folded towels at the end of our beds, and travel sized toiletries arranged specifically for our arrival. On Saturday we drove to Joanie’s house, where she had prepared a surprise birthday party for Josie.

When we entered the room and Josie saw the cake sitting in the middle of the table she turned to me and asked quietly, who would get to blow out the candles? I told her that she would because the party was for her. “For me?” she exclaimed, jumping up and down and clapping her hands, “I’m so ‘cited!”

But even more exciting than blowing out her candles on the homebaked birthday cake was opening her favorite birthday present, which was a Pillow Pet from Aunt Joanie. Joanie told us later that she had to drive to five different stores to find the unicorn character that Josie asked for. Now that’s love. On Sunday morning Julie woke up early to cook us all a pancake and bacon (my favorite!) breakfast. Gestures like these mean the world to a family that has displaced- living out of suitcases and eating off of paper plates- for three weeks. Family has the amazing ability to make you feel at home even when you’re far from home.

My family may drive me crazy, but I love them. Spending time with them is endlessly fruitful. Thank you, Lord for the family tree and the nourishment that flowers from it.